Choices
by Invisible Observer 813
Summary: Gohan is just thinking of his past and some of the things he has gone through. I changed a few of the things that have happened and his choice. Oneshot.


Hi this is my first fan fic. If I have grammar errors tell me and I'll fix them. I accept flames but will listen to constrictive criticism better.

Summary: Gohan is just thinking of his past and some of the things he has gone through. I changed a few of the things that have happened and his choice. Oneshot.

Disclamer I do not own DBZ in any way or fation.

_Choices_

_Death, I have known it since I was four and a half. I have known fighting just as long. They kind of co-exist in my world. Friends, __Piccolo__ and __Dende__ were my only friends that were my friends before my dad. Funny, isn't it, either they were over 10 years older then me or an alien. Lime was the closest, normal, one to me and I only saw her once. I can't really call her a friend. _

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_My mom just wanted me to study to be her 'scholar' she never gave me a choice. My father was not going to fight with her to much. I was stuck with her decision. I don't even remember if I wanted to learn or if she brainwashed me to want it. _

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_We went to see Master __Roshi__ for a reunion one day, my dad and me. This was new to me. I never saw anyone other then my mom or dad before, not including the forest animals of course. We had fun for awhile, well that is until my __**uncle**__ came to visit. It seems like such a blur now. One moment we are having fun the next some guy says he is my __**uncle**__ and kidnaps me. My dad and __Piccolo__ tried to save me. It didn't work. Soon I heard my dad yell in pain. I couldn't stand it. I was 4 ½. My family made all of my choices for me and now everything was falling apart. I just burst. I told them I didn't remember anything, but I did. I remembered everything. __I head butted my __**uncle**__ and then I regained my senses. I didn't know how to fight, my mom made sure I stayed away from fighting. Now my __**uncle**__ was closing in and that was when I realized something. He was going to kill me. He wanted to kill me right then and there. My dad stopped him. I don't know if he knows I saw or not, but I did. My dad was killed right before my eyes. After that I could not take anymore and fainted (sorry if it seems weak but give him a break he's only 4 ½_

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_Next thing I know is that __Piccolo__ or Mr. __Piccolo__ is standing in front of me talking about fights, training, and a hidden power. I know what power he was talking about, but I thought I was in trouble so I lied. It did not work. Instead of saying 'pathetic' and dropping me off __at my house like I hoped__ he threw me into a mountain. I tried to act innocent about what happened, but like many other things it did not work out the way I wanted it too. He told me how I was going to be trained and what happened to my father__. After that he simply flew off._

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_The training just flew by. I soon began to admire Mr. __Piccolo__ or Uncle __Piccolo__ as I called him when we were out there. Soon after that I started to think of him as a friend. Unfortunately, the year came to a close. It was time to fight t__he __saya__ns__. The battle seemed to move quickly to me. I had a chance to demobilize (kill) one of them, but I froze. __Tien, __Yamcha, __Ch__i__a__o__tzu__, and last but far from least __Piccolo__ died. __Piccolo's__ hit the hardest. When __Piccolo__ died I lost it. I was able to get one hit on the one that killed __Piccolo__. In the end, like everything else, it didn't work. He just became angry. Once again I am faced with someone that wants to kill me. He would __have__ succeeded to if my dad did not step in at that moment and saved me.__ My dad was alive. That was the only thing I could think of._

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_We are on __Nam__ek__ now. __Piccolo__ was brought back and is helping us. We were fighting some goons. I was the only one still standing. Soon my neck broke. This was just another guy that wanted me and my friends dead. I was somewhat getting use to it, seeing people die in front of me, people sacrificing their lives so others could live. I was somewhat use to it, but I in no way liked it. My dad saved me once again. It was during this time I noticed a pattern. I would throw an attack because it was __attack__, die, and/or someone you know would die. The guy would try to kill me. At the last second my father would save me. I have begun to wonder why it had to wait to the last second when I started reflecting on my memories._

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_Cell is in front of me taunting me. My dad, __**my dad**__, forfeited the match, put me in, and gave Cell, __**Cell**__, a __sensu__ bean. I am 11 and my dad expects me to fight and defeat someone he could not. This someone was able to beat the androids that my ex-future self could __not beat. I did not like to fight. The only reason I kept up fighting was because others needed me to or I did not have a choice. This is another time I was unable to choose for myself.__Now I was told to either kill this person or the earth is doomed and more likely than not the universe with it. I did not want to kill. The only thing I could think of to convince myself to fight the other times was that I was defending not killing. It was not the case this time. I vaguely remember __Piccolo__ telling my dad that it does not matter if I am strong enough physically I was still a kid. I think that is why he always calls me kid. It reminds him of what I can hold mentally instead of physically. My dad did not listen._

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_I lost it. He attacked my friends and family, put me through every form of torture he could think of, and thoughtlessly killed 16. He pushed me __too__ far. We have been fighting for a while. He was at the end of his rope. I could have killed him. I should have killed him. I did not kill him. I was able to get 18 out of him before he got to desperate. In the end he tuned himself into a bomb. Again my dad had to save us at the last second. Why did it always have to be at the last __second?__Once again he died._

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_We toke Cell down. He is really gone this time. I have finally lost it. Even though it was all of us together that defeated him, I gave the last blow. I am the one that has Cell's blood on their hands. I hate this feeling. All I remember at that moment was laughing. I think I truly lost my mind for awhile there._

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_We were at the lookout making our wishes. Dad has already been wished back once, but I thought we could have gone to New __Name__k__ and wished him back. I am tired of being wrong. He did not want to be wished back. I could not believe it. I was lost at that moment. Nothing seemed stable to me._

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_The more I think about it the more I realize that he was not there that often. I had to spend a span of months or more without him. When he was there it was more likely then not that we were in a fight with a villain or training for one. He did save me on several occasions, but he always waited until the last second. After he died that first time he never truly protected me. True he saved me. He saved me in the same way he would anyone else that was fighting beside him, but he did not protect me. He did not try to block the view when someone was killed. He did not try and comfort me when half of the Z gang died. __He saved me, but he did not protect me._

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_I always had a parent or both parents telling me what to do. My mom tried to control me and make me her 'scholar'. My dad stopped acting like I was his son and made me fight. I never had a chance to choice for myself. When my father died I had a choice convince my mom to let me train and become a scholar, or just be her scholar. I could have tried to be neither, but I was tired of fighting. Most people would of thought that being tire of fighting would be enough of a reason to just be a scholar, but I choice both for a reason my mom did not even know of yet. _

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"Gohan it is time to eat," my little brother yelled. He interrupted me of my thoughts."I am coming squirt," I reply as I walk up to him and put him on my shoulders._ It is seven years after the Cell games. He is the reason a decided to continue training. I was forced to study until my head felt like it was going to explode. I had to train, fight, witness, death, and even kill for as long as I can remember. I did not want the same for him I wanted him to have a choice on how to live his life. If he chooses to be a fighter then okay. I will not stop him, but I will make sure he does not have to see what I have seen until he is older, much older. Maybe never if I can help it._

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_Goten__ will even have the chance to make new friends. My mom is forcing me to start high school. I know nothing about how to interact with other kids. I made my mom a deal. I will willingly go to high school if __Goten__ can go to a public school too. For once, it worked. __Goten__ will now have a chance to have friends that are his friends and his age. Well its time to eat. I am going to have to get __Goten__ to go to bed early tonight. Tomorrow is our first day._


End file.
